【休闲灌水太阳城】万一你不来-零零壹玖壹

yuansoul

万一你不来-零零壹玖壹（今天你是第一百九十一次没来）


I long to speak the deepest words I have to say to you; but I dare not, for fear you should laugh.
That is why I laugh at myself and shatter my secret in jest.
I make light of my pain, afraid you should do so.

I long to tell you the truest words I have to say you; but I dare not, being afraid that you would not believe them.
That is why I disguise them in untruth, saying the contrary of what I mean.
I make my pain appear absurd, afraid that you should do so.

I long to use the most precious words I have for you; but I dare not, fearing I should not be paid with like value.
That is why I give you hard names and boast of my callous strength.
I hurt you, for fear you would never know any pain.

I long to sit silent by you; but I dare not lest my heart come out at my lips.
That is why I prattle and chatter lightly and hide my heart behind words.
I rudely handle my pain, for fear you should do so.

I long to go away from your side; but I dare not, for fear my cowardice should become known to you.
That is why I hold my head high and carelessly come into your presence.
Constant thrusts from your eyes keep my pain fresh for ever.

自虐

我不敢对你说出心声，怕被你讥笑
因此我先嘲笑自己，并把我的心声在玩笑中打碎
把自己的心痛说得轻松，因为怕你让它更痛

我不敢说出真心话，怕你不信
因此我说出和真心相反的话，掩饰我自己的心痛
把自己心痛说得可笑，因为怕你会让它更痛

我不敢用爱言来形容你，怕得不到你的回应
因此我说出尖酸刻薄的词汇，装作硬骨铮铮
故意伤害你，因为怕你永远不知道我的心痛

我不敢静默坐在你的身旁，怕我的心跳传染我的唇声
因此我假装轻松地说东道西，把我心藏真言稀溶
虐待自己的心痛，因为怕你会虐杀我的心痛

我不敢从你身边走开，怕你看出我的怯懦
因此我假装随便昂首走到你的面前
可是你眼里频频掷来的等待，使我的心永远鲜痛

云卷云舒0415

拜读了，拜读了